Seattle is not for me.

So, Seattle. What a miserable place. It’s like being in England, only the food is more expensive and it’s almost more grey. If that’s possible. 

I will say that my flight in was good - the flight was borderline empty, so I moved to an exit row with no one on it! However I will say it was the narrowest toilet I’ve ever been in, and there’s no way Bertie would have coped in there - he struggles in a portaloo, let alone this coffin with a flush they seem to have created. Enjoy the picture of myself on the toilet I took for you  

After landing I went to meet everyone in Linda’s Tavern. Apparently Kurt Cobain used to drink here. It was a nice enough place but the barman was an arsehole. 

There’s not too much to say about Seattle. There is an absolutely huge market, which is very exciting. There’s just about everything you could want there, along with a lot of things you don’t want. It took a good hour to explore it, maybe even more, and I bought a little gift for Josie, and nothing for myself. So far my shopping experience in America has been rubbish, minus the purchase of my Havianas. Still, Bertie has bought enough for the pair of us. I did also get to see chewing gum alley though, and that was quite exciting, if a little gross  

I did meet an amazing man who reminded me so much of Robin Williams. He was absolutely lovely and hilarious, and gave us loads of good advice - as well as telling us Fifty Shades of Grey was filmed and set here. Well, to be honest I’m not surprised, as there’s bugger all sunshine happening, so all that’s left is to whip out the old handcuffs and get busy inside. No wonder Christian Grey had a helicopter so he could fly the fuck out of here on the regular. 

I’m in a particularly bad mood today because I wanted to go to the cat cafe and they’re fully booked. I’m in a full sulk about it. I’m also in a sulk because the hotel is rubbish, and we’re in a double bed. Seattle is not my friend. 

We did find a great wine bar called Queen City which sells only natural wine. That was really good, and an amazing place for dinner too - I’ve forgotten the name now - but the pork chop was the size of my face and it came with deep fried trotter too. Normally that would make me run for the hills, but I’ll be honest, it was bloody delicious. 

Anyway, this is my totally crap and low effort update about Seattle. I’ll fill it full of pictures to distract you, and try again tomorrow.